Family Mediation · Estrangement Coaching · Church Workshops
Your family is breaking down. There’s still hope.
I’m Desi Nájera Jr., a Christian family mediator, estrangement coach and church speaker. I help estranged parents, families in conflict and churches pursue reconciliation rooted in Christ.
Online sessions in English and Spanish · Invite me to your church
About
Who is Desi Nájera Jr.?
Desi Nájera Jr. is a Christian family mediator, estrangement coach, author and church speaker. He is a Certified Mediator (Texas), Level 2 Master Coach and Certified Christian Counselor with more than 25 years of experience in conflict resolution.
He wrote When Your Adult Child Goes Silent: 10 Rules for Estranged Parents & Grandparents from his own experience of divorce, estrangement and the long road of reconciliation.
He serves three groups: parents and grandparents whose adult children have gone silent, families in active conflict who need a neutral mediator, and churches that want to equip their people for family peacemaking.
The research
Why families break down, and how they heal
Family estrangement is more common than most people think, and most of it is not permanent.
of American adults have cut off contact with a family member. About 10% are estranged from a parent or child. (Pillemer, Cornell)
of estrangements between adult children and their mothers eventually ended. (Ohio State)
of estrangements between adult children and their fathers eventually ended. (Ohio State)
Healing usually requires someone willing to stop defending their version of the past, listen to the other person’s hurt as real, and commit to change. A mediator or coach helps break the cycle of hurt, anger and silence.
Start here
What’s your situation?
Choose the one that fits. Each path shows how I can help.
Estrangement coaching
For estranged parents and grandparents
When an adult child goes silent, most parents make the same painful mistakes: pleading, asking why, recruiting allies, using the grandchildren. I help you stop what’s making it worse and build what makes reconciliation possible.
- Private coaching. One-on-one online sessions to process grief, own your part and plan your next step.
- Message review. Before you send that email or text to your child, I review it so it opens a door instead of closing one.
- The book. When Your Adult Child Goes Silent, the 10 Rules framework in one place.
Free · Tuesday evenings
You don’t have to carry this alone.
A small online group of estranged parents and grandparents who meet weekly to share, work through the 10 Rules, and pray together. I lead it, and there is no cost.
Join the Tuesday cohortMediation
Family mediation for active conflict
When a family is still talking but breaking down, a neutral mediator gives everyone a fair hearing and a structured way forward. Sessions are online, in English or Spanish.
I mediate
- Parent and adult child conflict
- Divorce and co-parenting decisions focused on the children’s long-term good
- Sibling, in-law and extended family disputes
- Referrals from family law attorneys
For churches
A Saturday workshop and a Sunday message
Every congregation has families carrying silent pain: estranged children, broken marriages, divided siblings. I equip churches to bring the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18) into the homes of their people.
Saturday · 9:00am – 12:00 noon
Workshop
Family conflict, estrangement and reconciliation from a biblical perspective, with practical tools families can use that week.
Sunday · optional
Sermon
I am glad to preach the Sunday message on reconciliation and peacemaking. Books and workbooks are available for attendees.
Workshop topics
When your adult child goes silent: 10 rules for estranged parents and grandparents
Peacemaking in the family: resolving conflict God’s way
Couples communication: unity and handling conflict well
Equipping leaders to walk alongside hurting families
What you need depends on your situation
| Your situation | What helps | Timeline |
|---|---|---|
| Estranged from an adult child | Private coaching, the free Tuesday evening cohort, message review and the book. | Ongoing. Healing happens at their pace, not yours. |
| Active family conflict | Family or civil mediation with a neutral, certified mediator and clear ground rules. | Typically 2 to 4 sessions. |
| Church or ministry | Saturday workshop (9am to 12 noon), optional Sunday sermon, books and workbooks for attendees. | One weekend, with lasting ripple effects. |
The book · Aardvark Publishing, 2026
When Your Adult Child Goes Silent
Ten rules from my work as a mediator and from my own kitchen table, written for the worst nights of estrangement.
- 1Stop asking why.
- 2Do not plead.
- 3Drop the disrespect speech.
- 4Stop the guilt trip.
- 5Own what is yours.
- 6Do not recruit allies.
- 7Do not use the grandchildren.
- 8Prepare for the long game.
- 9Keep one door cracked.
- 10Decide what you are building.
Kind words
What clients and readers say
Desi asked thoughtful questions that helped me gain clarity and recognize the next steps I needed to take. I left not only with a clearer direction, but with renewed confidence.
Regional VP, Digital Health & Technology · Coaching client
This is the most helpful book I have ever read. It is so thorough and explains why you should or shouldn’t take certain steps. The author writes from experience and is sincerely trying to help people.
Verified reader
Great read! Very vulnerable and relatable. Loved this book!
Verified reviewer
Resources
Weekly writing on faith, failure and finding your footing again
Articles, guides and tools on estrangement, family conflict and reconciliation, for families and church leaders. Read on Substack
Questions families and churches ask
Who is Desi Nájera Jr.?
Desi Nájera Jr. is a Christian family mediator, estrangement coach, author and church speaker. He is a Certified Mediator (Texas), Level 2 Master Coach and Certified Christian Counselor with more than 25 years of experience in conflict resolution, and the author of When Your Adult Child Goes Silent: 10 Rules for Estranged Parents & Grandparents.
What causes adult children to cut off their parents?
There is rarely one cause. Research by Cornell sociologist Karl Pillemer found that a single incident often triggers the rift, but it usually comes after a long buildup of unresolved hurt, unmet expectations or boundary problems. Many parents do not know exactly why the silence began.
Do estranged adult children ever come back?
Often, yes. A national study from The Ohio State University (Reczek, Stacey and Thomeer, Journal of Marriage and Family) found that 81% of estrangements between adult children and their mothers, and 69% with their fathers, eventually ended. What a parent does during the silence shapes what is possible when it breaks.
What is the difference between mediation and coaching?
Coaching works with one person: processing grief, owning your part and planning your next step. Mediation brings both people to the table with a neutral guide who helps them hear each other and agree on a way forward, whether that is reconciliation or a respectful distance.
What does Christian family mediation look like?
Christian family mediation uses biblical principles of peacemaking, forgiveness and reconciliation. Instead of asking who was right, it asks how the family can move forward in a way that honors God and serves the children and grandchildren who will live with the outcome.
When does the free cohort for estranged parents meet?
The free cohort meets online on Tuesday evenings. Estranged parents and grandparents share their stories, work through the 10 Rules and pray together in a small group I lead. There is no cost.
Does Desi Nájera Jr. speak at churches?
Yes. I lead Saturday morning workshops for churches from 9am to 12 noon on family conflict, estrangement and reconciliation, and I am glad to preach the Sunday message. Churches can invite me by email or phone.
Are sessions with Desi Nájera Jr. online?
Yes. Coaching, cohorts and mediation are all online, in English and Spanish, and I travel to churches for workshops and sermons.
Ready to take the first step?
Tell me a little about your situation and I’ll personally respond within 24 hours. For families, churches, and anyone who wants to join the Tuesday cohort.
Research cited
Reczek, R., Stacey, L., & Thomeer, M. B. Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family. The Ohio State University. Summary
Pillemer, K. Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. Cornell University national survey of 1,340 U.S. adults. Summary